A lot has gone on in Kankar since I last reviewed it. To be honest, I stopped at Kiran and Sikander’s marriage mainly because I wanted to see what happens next and how things begin to go downhill, before I comment on it. (Also, I was busy!) Now, with a lot of things in perspective, I can safely say that if there was any serial that highlighted the need for premarital counselling today, this is it! Both Sikander and Kiran have made glaring errors in their married life – yes, both of them!
First, let’s talk about Kiran.
Kiran’s mistakes and inadvertant errors are actually shocking for me. Had I watched this serial ten years ago, I might have felt differently, However, being married for quite some time now, I am very surprised that Kiran never knew the basic no-no’s of married life, which are:
- NEVER discuss problems related to spouse with mum-in-law. Although the scene did not show what Kiran said exactly, I was not surprised at Shaista’s reaction. Note that Shaista actually does tell off her son (albiet gently) in the previous episode when she notices signs of abuse on Kiran. However, the minute Kiran tries to discuss the problem, she takes her son’s side. This is exactly how it happens. I am with Sikander on this one – this was a problem they needed to handle without involving the parents or parents-in-law, and especially since Kiran had already given Sikander the ultimatum that she would leave if he hit her again. When all was said and done, why did she talk to mum-in-law?
- Leaving for parents’ house without informing the husband is a big no-no! Going to parents’ house, especially in the first year of marriage, is a sensitive issue. It always is – very few exceptions. Diplomatically speaking, it is always best to be cautious and ask for permission. I know it’s painful and it can be very trying for the parents, but eventually this issue does get sorted out. I was a bit taken aback that Kiran actually went with the whole “Ammi will take permission from Sikander” dialogue from Iram, and went off without asking Sikander. Had she called him, messaged him and told him about the function, and then he had said no, I would be with Kiran on this one. (Why didn’t she even message when she had a cell phone?)
- When the husband is going on and on, irrationally on a non-issue (like Sikander did on Kiran’s going without permission), it is always best to say “Sorry, it won’t happen again!” and end the issue. There are times in every marriage when you have to draw a line between what is acceptable and what is not. You simply can’t label everything negative as unacceptable and give your spouse a cold shoulder. Yes, your ego will get hurt, your self-esteem will get injured and you will feel depressed. That really is no reason to keep on hitting the ball back into the spouse’s court. The time when Kiran returns from her parents’ house and keeps answering Sikander back was another thing I hope married girls will learn NOT to do. It doesn’t work, believe me.
Now to Sikander…
Sikander also made glaring mistakes – blowing the issue of parents’ house out of proportion, giving an exorbitant amount of money to Kiran’s parents, hitting Kiran, using demeaning language and his overall attitude that Kiran should somehow be overwhelmed at being his wife and at being a part of his family are also big no-nos. The reason I focused on Kiran in this review is that most of the comments I have read so far focus on Sikander as a villain – no doubt he is, but Kiran has also acted immaturely. Also, if Sikander was violent inherently, it would not have mattered what Kiran did. Sooner or later, this side of his would have manifested. However, the issue that is shown to have triggered it in this particular serial actually does highlight Kiran’s attitude too.
In terms of Sikander’s parents, I must say that Shaista and Waqar’s relationship does not show even an ounce of abuse. This is really not how abusive relationships are – we have been shown many of their scenes and the way Shaista talks to her husband and the total do-it-your-way attitude he has doesn’t reflect a lifetime of abuse. We never see Shaista being cautious or submissive – she is quite the opposite as she comes across as being the dominant one in the relationship. However, I am glad the serial has stayed true to the original story and added this twist to explain why Sikander feels violence is a regular part of married life. After all, to him, if his mother put up with it, why not his wife?
In the end…
It does come down to the fact that couples need premarital counselling before tying the knot. Also, while a girl can put up with a lot of flak from her husband and her in-laws, physical abuse is something she should NOT tolerate. Kiran’s ultimatum was spot on! And hats off to the team of Kankar for showing a female lead who is very sure that she will not put up with oppression. That said, I hope the viewers will not see Kiran as whiter than white and Sikander as blacker than black. Kiran has made mistakes too which she could have avoided! And it seems it is Kiran’s mistake to confide in her mum-in-law (even if it was with a sincere intention) that will cause further trouble between her and Sikander, and also cause shockwaves within her own family. Let’s see what happens next…
Written by Drama Buff ([email protected])
