Khauf. Bashar ka khauf…
This week I realised what Bashar meant when he said those infamous words. If only they could go down in cinematic history like these: “Don ko pakadna mushkil hi nahi namumkin hai.” Perhaps, they will…
Desi-inspired “Dons” are a difficult act to pull off. Amitabh Bachchan in Don (1978), Shahrukh Khan in yet another Don (2006), Saif Ali Khan in Omkara (2006), Miyan Maqbool aka Irfan Khan in Maqbool (2003) or the man who started this ominous trend Manoj Bajpai in Ram Gopal Varma’s Satya (1998), all gave us fifty shades of black and then some. In Pakistan, our very own homegrown Gujranwala-goon Noori Natt not only made Maula Jatt the avenger he is but he also became the benchmark for Lollywood villainy for generations to come.
Each of these men gave local fans a taste of domestic evil. Whether it was Amitabh’s quiet confidence, Shahrukh’s suave and subtle moves, or Mustafa Qureshi’s junglee andaaz our idea of a desi mob boss is some permutation/combination of Eastern emotion and Western logic. Even then Bashar Momin, as a character, remains unpredictable.
If haters could hate unabated then this would be the episode where we start despising Bashar. The man schemes, connives, cheats, murders, and shouts – are there any redeeming qualities in him – I’m guessing there are but we’ll just have to wait for them.
In what began as another hera-pheri sequence, Khan gives Bashar a quick rundown of his sprawling criminal apparatus. Did you know there’s a hint of siyasi bagawat in the not so distant future? No… well now you do! As for Khan, kudos on his loyalty(!), boy gets screamed at, threatened, and Allah only know what else but he sticks around. I wonder what the pay package includes? Copious amounts of Life Insurance that’s for sure. Also, did you notice all those men running around the farmhouse – it’s the desi touch I briefly mentioned earlier!
Speaking of desi touches, Tayabba and Buland are former classmates (far removed from school but definitely classmates!). Which makes me wonder if Tayabba can be friends with a “popular” guy like Buland why does she have such a hard time hanging on to a guy? Pleasantries exchanged we finally learn that Mr. Bakhtiar’s ex-girlfriend used to go by Zoya Affandi (I bet you anything she was half-Turkish too!).
No sooner is Rudaba back in the Momin house that she and Buland are ushered in to meet Bashar Bhai with Tayabba in tow. Our big-shot boss man having traded in his leather loafers for BATA chappals begins the cross questioning that should send every red flag up for Buland. Between “kya kartay ho” and “shaadi ka faysala kaun karay ga” Buland miyan is welcomed to the family, Bashar style.
Families – complete, incomplete, in progress – were a recurring theme in this episode. Where Rudaba cannot stop thinking about Mr. Almost Perfect, Bashar can’t help but be well… Bashar. His scheming mind manipulates the situation in a rather shrewd manner – scaring Rudaba, presenting a fine veneer to Buland, pushing Sahira to do his dirty work, and did I mention scaring the living daylights out of Rudaba.
From what I can gather Faysal Quraishi and Ushna Shah have some amazing on-screen moments and then some that fall flat. Like the chai scene just didn’t work (for me) whereas them sparring over Parizad, I could literally feel the tension. Waise haad hai, ab Bashar kay kamray tak baat pohonch gaye hai. What next? His bathroom?!
Sahira and Adil are in Manhattan or were at least transposed on to the Big Apple. They were probably having martinis (that’s a New Yorker drink, no?) with Mehreen Jabbar. Who knows…?
What I loved about this episode was that Rudaba finally gets to go home! YAY BULAND! That’s one for Team BB (and no, that’s not Mohtarma). The entire scene from Ramzan Chacha to the the white sheets added a surreal element to the leading pair’s courtship. One that I liked seeing on screen. Seeing the light frame Rudaba, I couldn’t help but notice this Canadian lass is indeed pretty! Given that usually lighting is a sore spot with A&B Productions, I will give them a free pass solely for this scene with its rising smoke, holy light, namazis, and stolen glances! Job well done, Team BM! You lifted us up to some spiritual plane only to bring us crashing down with screams, screams, and more screams.
Syed Usman does a fantastic job with bits and pieces of Bashar Momin, which is something I’ve felt for a while now, yet there is something definitely lacking. Good editors and a DoP with what I can only call a teez nazar would have helped the series immensely.
Finally, Zanjabeel Asim sahiba, aapsay ek guzarish hai agli baar hero ko yeh dialogue maat deejeyaga, baraye meherbani: “Waise aab agar Rudaba chahain to mein apni OHS (open heart surgery) karawa kar inka naam apnay dil par tattoo karwa sakta hoon“.
How do you say “Really (with a generous helping of side eye)” in Urdu…? Anyone? There’s a prize if you guess, I promise!
Until next week,
Shaba Khair aur Rab Rakha
RB (Tweet me!)
